Llama poop is cool. Llamas prepackage it in little dry oval pellets that can actually be scooped and poured like some massively processed garden fertilizer product that you pay a lot for, but for this stuff it just takes a sweet friend like Sally, whose gate I left open and she had to spend half an hour rounding up the llamas so out of kindness I don’t go back there, or an impossibly nice neighbor like Todd, who after I left a box of my top-secret-recipe oatmeal chocolate chip cookies on his porch said I can forever have as much llama poop as I can gather from his barn. (That Todd is such an easy mark.)
From these evidentiary stories you can see that the main thing about llama poop is to find someone who is silly enough to keep llamas and, simultaneously, not inclined to garden. Then you can get the virtual gold which is llama poop in a simple cooky exchange or something. Really it is a little like trading the natives a handful of beads and getting Staten Island or whatever it was. (I got C’s in history.)
Even now I have three five-gallon buckets of llama poopage in my garden shed, ready to fortify my gardens for months to come. (I actually scooped a total of five buckets last week from Todd’s barn but I immediately took two to the feet of my friend and teacher, the Plant Goddess, as a kind of offering. She taught me about llama poop and it was worth it only to see her joy.) But let me just expand on that thing I said about the silly llamas.
I know there is a tiny itsy bitsy group of people who take llamas on forced marches or maybe use their wool to make a sweater for some elderly parent who can’t run fast enough to get away or for grown children who then hope the giver doesn’t shop at the Goodwill store where the sweater now is And I say this as a once-upon-a-time spinner of wool and a handknitter. It is just that I like fiber in prettier colors and that is really soft. And I better not go into my preferences for alpaca or merino wool or any fine sheep wool. We’ll just drop it, like a poop pellet, right there. P.S. I love shopping Goodwill stores.